Popsicles

I don't know if you noticed,
but our childhood has flown by.
I don't know how it happened -
it was in the blink of an eye.
Somehow, I lost my wide-eyed innocence;
dolls are replaced by cars and other joys.
My mind and my efforts pursue different
choices than picking out my favorite toys.
I can remember summers long past
of fighting to catch the very last drop
of Popsicles before they melt and
land at my feet with a 'plop.'
I don't understand it; I vowed
to never grow up. But I guess
Never-never Land truly is
only imaginary pixie dust.
So choose your happy thought, hold it very tight -
and never give up Popsicles without a fight.

break free.

broken promise, broken dream -- he
told me what my heart could believe.
and believe I did, despite the
signs, ready as always, to turn the
tide. I need to bide my time. to
realize that there is one (of so few!)
to keep his promise, to grant my
dream, to shield me from the sigh
that inevitably escapes in relief
as soon as he starts to speak,
"I'm sorry." once he apologizes, he
has given his only gift to me --
a slightly more bruised and battered,
but ever more walled and guarded,
heart. distrust, it seems, has claimed me.
but someday I will break free.

untitled.

"... just to trust You."
that's a simple thing to say, to think,
but sometimes I find that it is difficult to
maintain, to keep a grip on it in the thick
of life. I shudder when life says, 'boo,'
when life throws a twist into my path
that forces me to turn my eyes back to You.
to turn them back -- that's a laugh.
I should never have lost sight of the true
guidance that I can find in the only steady
and straight aspect of my twisting and blue
tinted, frustrating life. I think I'm ready,
God, ready to trust in You, to see You
now as I should have been all along,
to realize that my take on what I see as new
is in actuality only true when I fall headlong
into this simple fact: that I belong with You.

driftwood

if the darkest moment comes before 
the dawn,
if the storm always precedes
the calm,
if confusion has to surrender
to peace,
if striving always gives way
to ease --
if Your way has to conquer 
my will,
if I must be thirsty before I drink
my fill,
will You darken my heart?
bring a storm to tear me apart?
confuse me, stir up my thoughts,
then empty me of my empty drought?
and slowly, from the broken pieces
of who I was, create Your peace
of glory in me, from these pieces 
of driftwood.

believe

I was blessed beyond my dreams tonight.

I went to the dentist, to church to take care of some paperwork, to Starbucks for a pick-me-up iced raspberry mocha before work.  it seemed a typical day.

and at work, I was just sitting, taking care of my paperwork, greeting the women as they came into Curves.  

one of the women came up to me after she finished her workout.  her name is Maria Gordon, and she is quite possibly the sweetest lady I know.

she has battled breast cancer for several years -- and she has won.  but she said that she wore a bracelet all through her years with cancer, a bracelet that has the word believe written on it.

it's just one of those simple rubber bracelets, like the ones Lance Armstrong made famous.

she slipped it off her wrist and on to mine, saying, "I've won my battle, dear, with help and with faith -- yours is just beginning.  so wear this on your journey."

after all, I'm leaving the country for three months, to take 18 units with people I have never met before, in a place that I don't speak the language, all while struggling with a headache that has lasted nearly 9 months and counting.

so wear it I shall -- each step of the way, each mini-adventure within my adventure, until I return.  and then, who knows?  maybe I'll find someone else in need of a little bit of faith, someone facing a difficult and exciting time in their life.  

or maybe I'll need it still, to get through this on-going struggle with my headaches.  maybe through faith, and prayer, I can gain back some of the strength that my headaches constantly drain from me.

and maybe I can hand it off, continuing a tradition of love and a spirit of faith.

after all, isn't that all we need?  faith in the love of Christ.